The Saga Begins...
Hello
Let me introduce myself. I am Wesley, I am a pigeon who is scared of heights, yes I know I know I’ve heard them all before. Wes the walker, Old footsore, Lieutenant Pigeon of the infantry. It’s no joke though. It all started on't library building in't town hall square in Sintelens, (that’s Saint Helens for the people with pretensions of grandeur, the ones from eccleston).
There were two of us in our nest, me and our Billy. Our Billy was what you call “broad across t’beam” always first ter breakfast table with the cry “but I’m a growing lad” well, he might ha been but I certainly wasn’t. Anyway let’s get back to point, one day our Billy decided he wanted to turn round, no small feat for our Billy, he needed as much space as the QE2, well that was it, I teetered on th’edge of the nest trying to get out of road, (an impossibility if you saw our Billy’s backside) well, over I went tumbling beak over tail feathers, throwing up prayers to our great Creator but abandoning hope of them being answered. I’d just got to part of saying please Lord accept your humble servants body, when I hit something, not the ground as I wouldn’t be telling you this story, but some thing that wasn’t hard but wasn’t soft. I bounced two feet up in th’air and came down on it again, this time sliding off it onto the ground (I later found out it was called an umbrella). Well I sat there rubbing me head and backside ( That’s cranium and posterior to those from eccleston) and looking up at one of those creatures that God made to rule the earth for Him, well this must have been one of those that listen to him for he looked at me kindly then looked up from where I’d fell. He picked me up walked up the stairs and looked out of every window till he found our nest and put me back in, frightening the life out of our Billy (he deserved it) When he’d gone our Billy said our mam wouldn’t be pleased that I’d gone out as I was too small yet, I gave our Billy a right peckin for that one, the thing is our Billy is big but he’s also soft. From then on I got my share of the food or our Billy got his share of my beak.
Then came the day that every pigeon waits for, solo flight, Mam pushed me up onto th’ledge, our Billy on t’other side and said “right me lads lets go” our Billy jumped, dropped like a stone but then started flapping his wings and just managed to avoid the cenotaph before coming to an undignified landing in the middle of the square. Anyway I looked down and the ground started going round and round, if a bird could sweat I’d have bin drippin. Well I faffed about for another thirty seconds before our Mam said come on son we’ve not got all day you know. I told her that I was not sure I was a pigeon I wasn’t even sure I was a bird and could I use the stairs or the lift, well Mam started a fit of laughing I thought she was going to burst. The next second she gave me such a kick I was four feet off the ledge before I knew where I was. I closed my eyes and started flappin the next thing I knew I was kneckin with Queen Victoria, (I’ bet she wasn’t amused). I slid down her face past her chest, down her leg and off the end of her shoe. I didn’t even have time to pray before I landed in the square on my backside. Mum landed about one second behind me, still trying to get her breath from laughing. There were about fifty pigeons there at the time, most of them on there backs crying with laughter, I had to explain to Mam what had happened and why I was frightened, she didn’t half give our Billy a right winger. Anyway our Mam said I’d soon get over it and not to worry, but I didn’t and that’s another story.
posted by RayM at
09:48
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